on a posting roll

Yes, friends - I'm actually posting two posts in two days! Are you wondering to what you can attribute this amazing feat of organization on my part? To put it shortly, Shawn's a great husband and father. He's always offering to take Jude for a couple of hours so that I can get away. For awhile, I was using that time to run. Since I'm up with Jude so much in the night now, though, I'm finding that running just zaps my energy for the rest of the day. So for awhile, my answer was, "no, that's okay, i'll just hang out at home." As I watched my patience level dwindle and my stress level rise, I started thinking that maybe I should again take him up on those offers. So I'm writing this in relative quiet at my local coffee shop. I love spending time with my sweet boy, but I have to admit that I do thoroughly enjoy the occasional break. In true motherhood fashion, I spend most of my time away from him thinking about him.

I do have some pictures for you! Like most babies, Jude likes to look at himself in the mirror, so I wanted to snap some pictures of him doing just that. I'm not sure how well you can see our bed in the background, but you can be sure it's unmade...so just ignore that.

Our big boy! He loves to sit up on the couch/recliner, etc. like this. Check out that belly! Can you see why I might've been a little slow to realize that he wasn't gaining weight?

I was reading a mother's blog recently that was composed entirely of letters to her infant daughter. I thought that was a great idea and I think I might do that occasionally here. This blog is the closest thing to a baby book that I keep, and I really do use it as a way to keep record of Jude's young life. I'd love to have some notes and thoughts specifically for him that he can read here when he's older.

We have an appointment on Tuesday for Jude's 4 month well check up and weight check. I'm really not sure that he's gained weight in the two weeks since he was weighed last, so I'm eager to see. We're feeding him as much as he seems to want, so if he hasn't gained weight, I think I might ask the doctor about more aggressive approaches - hopefully something that will still allow me to breastfeed as much as possible. On the advice of pretty much everyone who loves me, I've decided to stop weighing Jude daily. Our scale isn't consistent, and it just seems to feed my anxiety about him. I'll probably weigh him every three days as I still want a way to track his progress and keep an eye on him. I have to be honest - looking at Jude, you'd have no idea anything was wrong. He has plenty of fat rolls and even more energy. Perhaps he's just a small baby? I don't know...I'm tired of pretending like I know what I'm doing or what's going on. I have no idea. I'm downright clueless about this whole motherhood thing.

Jonah's story was written up in the Winston-Salem Journal today. HERE'S the link. I'm so amazed and inspired by both of them. My heart literally aches when I see pictures of Jonah, and I genuinely love that boy. My prayer continues to be that he is healed and lives a long, long life. I pray that he and Jude will be good friends for many, many years. Please continue praying that 1)God would protect his fragile body from infection 2)He would eat great and get the nutrients he needs to fight the battle he faces 3)That God would heal his body, allowing Jonah to live a normal, healthy life.