....JEN Maurer!
Yes folks, that's right! Jen not only had a short fuse for Jude yesterday because he was trying to type on her computer while she had a million thing to do for work, but - on several occasions was heard saying, "ugh! Jude!" as she swooped in to stop him from poking his eye out/eating dog food/standing up on the edge of the toilet, and all sorts of normal 10 month old stuff that absolutely did not warrant her level of frustration.
However, ladies and gentlemen, we here at the WMA (Worst Mom Academy) do recognize those behaviors alone do not qualify one has a truly horrendously awful Mom. No, friends, Jen earned her title by putting her son down to sleep in a crib that had not yet been lowered. That should have been lowered at least a month ago. Yes, folks, Jen's ten month old son fell (or jumped - the fact that she doesn't know which one earns her bonus points) over the side of the crib. Jen heard a bump and then she heard Jude's panicked cry. Upon entering the nursery, Jen discovered Jude on the floor, crying his scared little heart out. Please welcome Jen Maurer as she receives her Worst Mom of the Year Award!
Oh gosh, I'm so dishonored to have been chosen from such a group of truly awful Moms! Well, first of all I would like to thank my two jobs for stressing me out and my sad inability to handle stress in a productive way. I would like to thank my friend from the 6th grade - Tricia Bauman - for doing a cherry bomb on the trampoline one evening that caused me to go flying off the trampoline, straight onto my head. If it hadn't been for Tricia, I would've never experienced a concussion, and wouldn't have known the signs to look for in Jude. Thank you, Tricia - I couldn't have done this without you. Umm...who else? Who else? Oh! I'd like to thank my husband for calming me down when I called him in a panic, and I would like to thank Mike Bennett for rushing over to lower the crib. And finally, of course, I'd like to thank Jude for being the sweetest little daredevil I've ever met, and for smiling a huge grin and lunging towards me as I cried - sure that I'd given you permanent brain damage. (holding up award that is a bronzed figurine of OctoMom) This award will be stuffed in the back of my closet, hopefully to never be seen again, and this incident will never be spoken of again unless the conversation starts with, "My kiddo did that too, and has not suffered any long term brain damage." Thank you, WMA, this has truly been a dishonor.
I should add here that Jude seems to be perfectly fine and none the worse for his attempts at sky diving. He got a little cut on the side of his nose and has some small bruising right above that. The blood scared me, but it seems to be just a tiny cut. Jude's crib is now sufficiently lowered, I'm sufficiently humbled and embarrassed, and Jude has
Oh no!!! You must have totally freaked out when you saw him on the floor! Anyways, I think you're very far away from winning the worst mother award. I think to qualify he has to fall out and then you still don't lower the crib so that he falls out every day for a week. Yeah, that would be bad.
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious! Welcome to the undistinguished past winners of the WMA! I have also won that award!
ReplyDeleteCaleb was my daredevil. He climbed (jumped) out of his crib many times and you see what a wonderful young man he has become :) We finally had to just leave the side of his crib down and let him use it like a ladder because lowering the mattress did no good. I say these little adventures just build character in our precious boys. You are doing a great job as a mom.
ReplyDeleteI let Dawson roll off of the bed not once, but TWICE. I also dropped Tait on his head on the kitchen floor and fractured his skull. I hated myself for at least 24 hours after each one and swore never to touch my children again and cried because they had me for a mom.
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteRemind me sometime, I have ALL KINDS of stories for you that would make you feel better! Believe me, with 3 boys, that's just a day in the life. So I guess I should say, welcome to the club! Mine have crawled/jumped/fallen out of cribs, climbed to the top of the dresser and jumped off (that would be Noah!), oh, and the time Noah got ahold of my razor (yeah, seriously), and we still let them do things like skateboard on their belly down a steep driveway (hey, at least he put his helmet on!)... :) The last time we went to Primecare, the receptionist saw the 3 boys, handed me their business card, and said "Here, maybe you should just keep this in your purse!" I'm still waiting for them to give me some little card i can earn points on for each visit. :)
Jude is blessed to have such wonderful parents who love him so much! You're a fantastic mommy. Sometimes those little rugrats just need a little extra attention on our busy days, so they create a little drama for us. :) When you need a break from it, bring him over here. I'll let him go skateboarding with Noah. ;)
You ladies seriously have no idea how much better this helps me feel. My friend Jill told me that most Moms realize they need to lower the crib when the baby falls out - which makes me feel much less neglectful. I have a feeling these occurances will happen more often than not, and it's so nice to know I'm not alone!
ReplyDeleteSeeee....I told you=)
ReplyDelete