a letter to jude

Dear Jude,

I'm kind of at a loss for where to start, sweetie. Today you are one whole entire year old. So much has changed in the past year, huh? You were born at 5:58am on November 11,2008 - so at this time last year, Mommy and Daddy were just being taken to Mommy's recovery room and you were being checked out in the nursery. I was in love. Head over heels in love in a way that I'd never known. Daddy and I were in a euphoric stupor, exchanging thoughts on who you looked more like, how sweet you were, how well the birth went, and how excited we were to see you again. You changed our lives, Judeabug.

You're a constant reminder of how much MommyDaddy love each other and of our partnership together, and you're a constant reminder of how unconditionally and almost giddy-like God loves us. You've made me into a less selfish person, my son, and because of you - Mommy and Daddy love each other in a way we'd never experienced. Your presence in my life has made me realize that I'm stronger than I thought, more protective than I thought, and more creative than I thought. Being your Mommy has been one of the greatest privileges of my life, and Daddy and I are so honored that God chose US to take care of you.

But enough of this MommyDaddy stuff, right? I can't really even start with all the things that have changed in the past year - you're so completely different from a year ago! Instead, I think I'd like to list a few of my favorite memories from the past 12 months.

-That time you spit up all over Daddy and pooped all over Mommy at the same time. It was so ridiculous that we couldn't help but just look at each other and laugh.
-Seeing your face for the first time. Knowing you as well as I do know, it was definitely your grumpy face. Daddy kept saying how much you looked like me, and my heart just melted when I finally saw that sweet face.
-Breastfeeding you. I know, I'm sorry - but it IS one of my favorite memories. I loved giving you the nourishment that you needed, and I loved taking a break from the busyness of my day to stop and spend time with you. I loved waking up with you in the mornings and talking to you or singing to you while you ate.
-Sleeping with you in that recliner. For about your first three weeks you spent every night sleeping on my chest in that recliner in your room. We did that so that Daddy could get his sleep and so that Mommy could feed you when you needed it and still fall asleep if I needed. At the time, I was exhausted beyond comprehension and couldn't wait for you to sleep in your own crib or the bassinet - but I can still feel your tiny little self cuddled up against my chest and I treasure that.
-Daddy doing the walk/bounce with you. I'll be reminding you of this for the rest of your life, but you were definitely a fussy baby (until we figured out you had reflux, then you got better), and Daddy did the magic walk/bounce with you that would almost always calm you. He loved to sing "Hey Jude," or "Baby Mine," or I'm sure at times some songs that we wouldn't necessarily admit to - but you'd just look at him like, "I'm so glad you're my Daddy. You make everything better."

On each month of your birthday, I've begun the tradition of telling you your birth story. And well, since it IS your one year birthday you get the story today....with pictures. Luck you, eh?

Alright, kiddo. We have to start with November 10th. I went to the doctor's because I thought you might be on your way. You had been "on your way" for almost three months by that point, but the nurse told me that you weren't ready quite yet...but that it'd be any day now. Daddy and I went to Mario's to get pizza, and then stopped by Target because I had it in my head that we needed baby Qtips before you got here.

That night, we ate our pizza and were hanging out watching TV when I started to feel contractions again. I really wanted you to come, so I started bouncing on a birthing ball (i.e. Jill's exercise ball), hoping all that bouncing would make you say, "Get me outta here!!" However, the contractions stopped, so Daddy and I went to sleep.

But THEN...I woke up at midnight with a very painful contraction! When I got up to use the restroom, my water broke (which meant you were definitely coming). I let Daddy sleep while I went out to the living room to time my contractions. Around 2:00am, I realized this was the real deal ('cause apparently my water breaking wasn't enough to send us into the hospital), so I woke up Daddy. I remember doubling over the bathroom sink while I was trying to brush my teeth because of a strong contraction. Daddy drove Mommy to the hospital, which was so very painful. It was tough to sit still in that car when it hurt so much. Mommy and Daddy got to the hospital and got checked in. Not to make you feel badly or anything, but I was in so much pain that I was actually vomiting. You know...not that you owe your very life to the pain I went through...just sayin'.

While they were checking me out, our dear friend Rhonda arrived. Do you remember her? She helped calm me and Daddy down, and once she saw how much pain I was in, helped us get rushed through to be checked. Once they checked me, they realized that you were VERY much on your way - so into the birthing room we went!

Now sweet boy, I loved giving birth to you, but I have to admit that this is my least favorite part of this story. I was in SO much pain that I was crying and vomiting - trying every position I could think of to get comfortable. I had read that if you wait to get an epidural until you're five centimeters dilated that the effects on the baby of the medicine are greatly diminished. Apparently I was literally crying for drugs, but I really wanted to make sure I was five centimeters first. When the nurse checked me and saw that I was eight centimeters, I do remember begging for an epidural. I wasn't sure how I would handle the pain, and I think it surprised both Daddy and I that I coped with it by screaming. I'm not normally a screamer - or even a yeller - so it's kind of funny to look back at how loud I was being!

We don't have any pre-epidural pictures because we were a little occupied, but I'm so glad that Rhonda was able to get what are some of my favorite pictures in the world. Speaking of Rhonda:

She took such great care of us!

Mommy and Daddy were both so much more happy once that epidural kicked in!


Once they started having me push, your little heartbeat was going down. I had to wear an oxygen mask for a little bit, but eventually your heartbeat went back to normal and we could take it off.

I was in labor with you from midnight until 5:58 - a total of six hours. That's actually pretty quick!

Did I mention that we fell in love?

...Madly in love

I say it every month, Jude, but I just want to make sure you know it. I love you and Daddy loves you. We love you with an indescribable depth and intensity. We know that God has a plan for you. We've seen His hand on your life and His love for you this past year, and we can't wait to see how His plan unfolds in the coming years. He's placed in your heart a sweetness and tenderness - balanced by a spirit that is determined - and we're looking forward to seeing how God uses that. God gave you to us for a purpose, Jude. We love you more than you could possibly imagine.

From your head down to your toes. You're not much, goodness knows. But you're so precious to me. Sweet as can be. Baby of mine.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy