christmas: part deuce

You'll have to excuse me if you've been waiting on the edge of your seat for more Christmas photos. You may now scoot back to a more comfortable seat sitting position.

Shawn was really excited about the Flip cam from his parents. I can't believe how small and easy to use it is! It fits perfectly into my purse, and we've already taken several videos (coming soon)!

And behind Shawn, you can see our Christmas present to each other. A new fancy schmancy TV and "real people" cable.

Jude opening more train tracks:

Cohen's new sound machine:

Jude patiently and sweetly helped Cohen open his presents:

Jude enjoying daddy's stocking stuffers:

A present from Jude's new preschool. It says, "That's how I roll. Compass Christian Preschool." I can't lie, that t-shirt makes me giggle.

Also, in case you were waiting with baited breath to find out how Jude's first day of preschool went, you may now unbait your breath. His teachers said he did awesome! They told us that he lined right up when he was supposed to, took a nap on his nap mat, and was perfectly obedient. They made no mention of his pants falling down or not understanding what he wanted, so I was pleased with a great report. He asked me several times yesterday to go to school, and was excited when I told him that's where he was going this morning.

What's that you say? You want more Christmas photos? You sure you can handle it? Coming soon!

hodge podge

1. Happy New Year! We spent some of our evening with a few new friends and the rest (after the boys' bedtimes) at home. I made it all the way until 11:00 this year, which is really quite the accomplishment considering I'm lucky to get two chunks of four hours of sleep a night. I happen to love New Year's resolutions and am almost always able to stick to them, and Shawn happens to eschew resolutions and make fun of me for making them. In case you're wondering, Jude's New Year resolutions were: 1. To work on potty training 2. To wean from the pacifier 3. To cuddle and kiss Mommy and Daddy more 4. To stop this nonsense of taking two hours to go to sleep. Cohen's resolutions were: 1. To sleep twelve hours a night. Every night. 2. To figure out this crawling business and eventually work on walking. 3. To learn how to say, "Mommy" and "Daddy." 4. To cuddle and kiss Mommy and Daddy more.

It's true, they told me.

2. Jude began his first day of preschool today. He'll be going Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-2 through the school year. He was ridiculously adorable wearing his Thomas backpack and holding mine and Shawn's hands on the way into the church. I'm so excited for him to get to learn in a structured, Christian environment, to interact with other kids, and to get some of that boundless energy out. I'm also of course, sad that someone else will be teaching my child, that he'll be away from me for what feels like half a week, and that I'll no longer experience pretty much everything in his life with him. I expected those feelings of sadness and knew that it's just the natural part of a child growing and gaining independence. What I didn't expect, however - was the worry that crept in.

Will he make friends? Will he behave? Will he be bullied? Will the teacher know that he wants a graham cracker when he says, "crax?" Will the teacher freak out when he lets out a guttural scream in exasperation? Will the other kids know that he wants to play rough housing when he says, "I push?" Will he nap okay? Did I pack the right thing for his lunch? Will he eat enough? Will he be able to open his lunch box? Will his pants keep falling down because they're all sized for cloth diapers?

Will he miss me? Will he miss me so much that he thinks I'm leaving him and not understand what's going on?

I'm getting ready to go pick him up here in a few minutes, so I guess I can't actually answer any of those questions yet. Since I haven't heard from the school though, I have a feeling he ran full force into the life of a preschooler and didn't look back. He probably already made little friends with his friendly, "hiiii!" and will hopefully just ignore any bullying. His teachers have worked with two year olds for a long, long time, so I'm certain they're great at deciphering, and if his pants fall down he'll pick them back up.

Still, this Mommy thing is tough. Just when you think you want to lock them outside for the day, you realize you actually never want to let them go.

3. I'm running again, and loving it. I know that's not really noteworthy, but I felt like updating you on two items just wasn't enough.

More Christmas photos coming soon. Can you handle the anticipation?

years old

I used to relish the idea of growing older gracefully. I firmly believed there was no greater testimony to a life well lived than permanent marks on one's face displaying that she lived a life of laughter and smiles. To me, graying hair was evidence of wisdom gained from experience and was beautiful. I didn't particularly fear the aging process, and looked forward to the sense of self-confidence and maturity I was told would increase as my age increased.

I turned 29 years old a couple of days ago. For most of my 27th and 28th years of life, I completely forgot how old I was. When my age was discussed, I always had to ask Shawn, "Am I 27 or 28?" and usually had to count the years from 1981. So when I realized sometime in late November that I was quickly approaching my 29th birthday, I was surprised to feel some apprehension.

29.

Sure, I could acknowledge and still say that I was in my 20's, but there's no denying that 30 is right around the corner. And while 30 is - by no means - old, it's no doubt an adult. Not only am I now 29, but I'm 29 with two children and no career to speak of. My day to day is spent doing a thousand things nobody notices until I spend one day not doing it. I do hundreds of things from which I will not see results until my children are teenagers or even adults, and I'm not entirely sure I'm doing any one of those hundreds of things right. When I chose counseling as my major in college and began work at a non profit after marriage, I expected to be making a difference in the world. Instead, I now count it a good day if both boys are alive, fed, and relatively dressed (pants are optional). I did not expect to close my 20s and begin my 30s without the sense of confidence and determination that comes from knowing your work is valuable, having a boss who gives feedback (somehow, "Mommy not nice!" isn't quite the same), and seeing progress in meeting defined goals.

And then there's the fact that I'm a big, fat hypocrite. Because while I thought the idea of aging was lovely in theory, it turns out that I'm scrambling to not look like I'm getting older. I feel like I've been reminded in the preceding months that youthfulness is alluring, attractive, and irresistible. A 29 year old Mom of two worries herself with diaper rash, bill paying, coupons, libraries, milk supply, and opportunities to teach numbers. I thought I'd be thrilled to be finished with my teenage years, but I'm finding myself jealous of a teenager's ability to be youthful, naive, and carefree. I did not expect to close my 20s and begin my 30s carrying extra baby weight, still wearing maternity clothes, and doing everything I can to conceal the bags under my eyes.

For the first time in my life, I really wanted to forget about and not celebrate this birthday. However, I've had some time to process my overwhelming self-pity, insipid vanity, and myopic moping. My life is definitely not what I thought it would be, but besides that baby weight- it's without doubt better.

A thousand fold better.

My day to day can certainly feel defeating and mundane, and while it's true that my house will never been clean enough, my children smart enough, and my budget balanced enough (thus the feeling that my job and tasks are never completed), I also get dozens of cuddles and kisses every day. I get to watch my children pick up new skills and teach them about the world around them. I can watch Jude share with a younger child and have compassion on someone who is hurt, and know that I taught him that. And while my body has certainly changed through the childbearing process, I also know that my body is holding onto weight in order to nourish my infant with milk that was perfectly created just for him.

I can't deny that I'm not as young, thin, carefree, naive, and even fun as I used to be, but I'm alive. The fact that I have a handsome husband (on whom age looks great, by the way) and two sweet and fascinating children beyond that is evidence that God loves to give good gifts to His children. Even if society and experience are telling me that my value is decreased as my age and pants size increase, I'm choosing to believe that age, wrinkles, wisdom, gray hair, and experience are beautifully lovely. I'm choosing to believe that the best is yet to be.

i'm dreaming of a...

Merry Christmas from the Maurer family! Our Christmas this year was...great...and strange. It was weird being in an unfamiliar house, an unfamiliar area, and around unfamiliar people on such a huge holiday. It was weird walking outside in jeans and a t-shirt in the week before Christmas while hearing reports of snow for our northern friends. And it was weird that we felt so comfortable here after only having lived in a new state for a mere month.

Compass had a total of five Christmas Eve services this year. Shawn helped with four, and our family attended one together on the 24th. It turns out that Winston-Salem got its first White Christmas since 1960-something. We had a lot of people texting, emailing, and Facebooking us about the snow - presumably since it was well known how much we missed the snow storms of our youth. Most of the communication we got had a tone of, "Ha Ha! Now that you left, we got snow! Aren't you sad you left now?" as if there were any doubt that we were sad about leaving. What people didn't realize was that each comment broke our already sad hearts and made us ache even more.

I attended Compass' Christmas Eve service with a heavy heart - missing all that was familiar to us about the season. As the pastor began to speak though, my perspective began subtly shifting. He spoke from Isaiah 1:18 and described (much more eloquently than I can relay) the process used to dye garments scarlet and its permanence. He continued to describe the blinding whiteness of snow and encouraged the congregation to think of a white Christmas a little differently.

“Come now, let us settle the matter,”

says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;

though they are red as crimson,they shall be like wool.

I realized then that in all my longing for a white Christmas, I forgot that I already had the most amazing white Christmas I could ask for. I had told Shawn that the songs, "White Christmas" and "Let It Snow" should be banned from Texas because all they did was give people false hopes. On the way home Christmas Eve, I found myself singing both of those songs with a renewed sense of meaning and with more earnestness than ever. We didn't get a single flake of snow in Dallas this year. But thanks to a tiny, helpless baby, our Christmas was white as the beautiful, pure snow.

I took an insane amount of photos this year because it was Cohen's first Christmas and I wanted our friends and family to be a part of our family's holiday. For the first year, we hid the presents and brought them out after the boys went down on Christmas Eve. We still haven't really addressed the Santa topic with Jude (but plan on telling him that it's so much fun to pretend that there's a Santa), so this strategy was more to stop little hands from ripping up the paper before Christmas morning. You know me and my self control issues.

Late Christmas Eve with our presents under the tree and our stockings stuffed:

This photo is actually for our friends Mike and Jill. Jude lined up his cars and trains in a very carefully placed single file line...very Loganesque.

Cohen didn't do a whole lot this year except look ridiculously adorable (Shawn says, "emphasis on the ridiculous"). We got him a sound machine and a Bible, his Aunts and Uncles bought him a set of Praise Baby DVDs, and his Great Aunt Jackie got him an adorable stuffed animal.

This was a cool little car holder from my Aunt Jackie that is a genius idea. It has little pockets for each car, and the entire thing rolls up to be easily transported:

Thomas the Tank Engine toothpaste! Someone in our house is very excited about brushing his teeth...especially the spitting part. "Pit?" he asks at the end of his brushing time.

There continued to be an awesome Thomas and train theme, which thrilled Jude's little heart to no end. Jude was very insistent that Daddy get out the little trains of this Thomas set from Grammy and Grampy:

One of Jude's favorite parts of Christmas this year was handing the presents to their intended. He loved running excitedly to the tree to pick out a gift, and then hand it to Mommy, Daddy, Cohen, or himself:
Thanks to an awesome Flip cam from Mama and Papa Maurer, I can show you some of Jude's excitement on Christmas (we didn't open up the Flip cam until our second round of present opening though, so this is a little later in the morning):

Untitled from J Maurer on Vimeo.

We definitely have more Christmas pictures, but the rest will need to wait. Shawn has the week off from work, so we're spending lots of time doing family activities, trying to get naps, cleaning, grocery shopping, getting our licenses transferred, and just enjoying a little bit of rest after a crazy couple of months. I'll be back soon with more photos of those adorable Maurer kids, though!

cohen eats

We decided to go ahead and see if giving Cohen some cereal in the evenings would help with his reflux, and boy are we glad we did! Not only has it helped him spit up considerably less (and he seems to be less fussy), but he acted like he'd been waiting for us to feed him solid food for months now. He gobbled up the one tablespoon of rice cereal we'd made him, so we've been slowly increasing the amount we give him. He finally got full last night at three tablespoons!

To be honest, I'm a little shocked that my little baby is old enough to eat solid food. Wasn't he just born yesterday?! And to be even more honest, I'm excited that his first forays into solid food also mean the beginning of the end for nursing. This might perhaps shatter your illusions that I'm the perfect Mom (ha!), but I'm kind of counting down the months until we're finished with nursing. I still plan on nursing Cohen until he's a year old, but I'm looking forward to slowly getting my body and time back.

Cohen sitting in the high chair for the first time. He is still the smiliest little boy I've ever seen!

Jude had so much fun standing by and watching. He got momentarily possessive of "his" highchair (in which he refuses to actually sit, of course), but was just fine when we told him that brothers share their highchairs. Beyond that, he laughed and giggled the entire time Cohen was eating, as if he knew this was a big milestone for his little brother!

It took Cohen a bite or two to realize that it was a different taste and texture than he was used to, but he eventually started gobbling.

And just in case photos aren't doing it for ya, here's a video of Cohen's first bites!

Untitled from J Maurer on Vimeo.

jude's birthday::six weeks later

You know how weird I can be about posting photos in chronological order, so I want to make sure I blog about Jude's 2nd birthday before I write anything further about moving. When was Jude's second birthday, you ask? Why, only six weeks ago. I know, I'm a blogging slacker. I had forgotten these photos were on the camera until I was looking through some Serwa Chic product photos and was surprised. I have to admit that I got a little teary eyed as I remembered what a bittersweet birthday that was. We knew that we'd be moving soon, so we wanted to invite friends over who have played a part in raising and loving Jude as our way of saying, "thank you." You know...if it's fair to say "thank you" by asking friends to come over and bring your son presents. My heart felt heavy the entire night, and I so wanted to squeeze each person there and earnestly tell them how much they've meant to our family. It was neither the time nor the place for that though, so I settled for watching Jude be ecstatic that the house was filled with his favorite people.

Judeabug opening gifts. You'll see a definite unintentional Thomas the Tank Engine theme in his party. That boy loves him some trains!









Cohen, Tim, Katie, Jude, Ryan, and Gray:

November 11th is also Jude's friend Anderson's 3rd birthday, and she was so sweet to come to Jude's birthday party on her birthday. We surprised her with a cupcake and "Happy Birthday."

Jude was very excited about the choo-choos on his cake:

Caleb and Rhonda Smith, holding Cohen:

Sometimes the boy looks like he's sixteen years old:

Our good friend Rhonda made Jude's birthday cake. I told her that she knows him as well as most anyone does, so she was welcome to come up with whatever kind of theme she'd like. She did an INCREDIBLE job on this Thomas cake, and Jude was so ridiculously excited about it! The trains on the cake are actually Thomas birthday trains, and are Jude's favorites still.

Sweet Brittany got Jude a pair of perfect Mee-Hee slippers:

I know the photos are all jumbled up, and I apologize for that. Jude had a fantastic 2nd birthday and was surrounded by people who love him and whom he loves. For him to have an entire extended family of friends in North Carolina makes him one blessed little boy, indeed.