Not Me Monday

...a few things that I most certainly did not do...



Under no circumstance did I call our dog by our son's name. Only someone with serious issues would do such a thing. Conversely, I also did not call our son by our dog's name - any person with a shred of sanity knows the difference between a 100 pound lab and a 14 pound baby.



I did not audibly gasp with excitement when I saw that the season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is tonight. And I have absolutely not been watching the Yahoo news page to see if their marriage is okay. Because that would be slightly stalkerish and I'm too cool for reality shows, anyway.



Speaking of...I do not, and I mean...do NOT get excited when I see that iCarly is on TV. I don't laugh out loud at Spencer, and I don't pass it off as Jr. High "research" when Shawn catches me. And most importantly - of utmost significance - I do not love it when Gibby dances. That would mean I'm twelve.



I did not, in the process of eating an Oreo cookie, drop the cream filling on the floor. On the carpeted floor. On the part of the carpeted floor where our dog particularly enjoys rolling around. I absolutely, positively, did not pick the cream filling up, inspect it, wipe it against my pants, and then eat it. That would be gross. Nope, not me.



Obviously, I'm the coolest, cleanest, most mature, most "together" person you've ever known. Really, you should count yourself lucky to know someone with such sophistication, grace, and elegance. Obviously.