living on love

In just eighteen short work days, I'll become a stay at home Mom. I've talked pretty openly about my excitement for this transition - a dream Shawn and I discussed when we were trying to get pregnant with Jude, a dream I physically ached for in Jude's early days of infant hood, a dream I secretly believed would never happen, and eventually - a dream I realized needed to be a reality for the sake of our family and our marriage. I'm officially counting down the days until my family can be my utmost priority. I'm looking forward to keeping Jude on a consistent routine, and I'm looking forward to allowing Shawn freedom in knowing that he can work hard and his home and son are well cared for.

I won't beat a dead horse - you all know why I'm so passionate about staying home. What I haven't discussed in as much detail is what our new budget will look like. The budget I affectionately call our "Livin' On Love," budget (formerly known as our, "Holy Crap, We're Broke As Heck" budget). I have to admit that I haven't always had the best attitude about what our new budget will look like - mostly because this woman knows how to stretch a dime and I was having a tough time stretching our dimes to cover everything. I actually think "haven't always," may not be the best description. How about - I have been stressed out, freaking out, worried, anxious, angry, upset, guilt-ridden, and did I mention freaking out...about what our new budget will look like.

We inadvertently found ourselves in a catch-22 a few months ago. I needed to give at least a six month notice before leaving my job, so we needed to make a decision by the beginning of November. Even though we knew things would be extremely tight, we decided to commit to me staying home. I'm not exaggerating when I say that we then got pregnant about a week after I gave my notice. On the one hand - had I known that we were soon going to have two kiddos to raise on one income - I don't know that I would've quit my job. And to be honest, I struggle with feeling really guilty for doing so. On the other hand - there's no way we could continue our game of "pass the Jude" with two kids. We would have to put our kids in daycare. The cost of daycare alone (not to mention all of the "extra" costs associated with such) dwarfs my income, plus I know I'd struggle with the guilt of that decision, too.

So here we are. As of June 1st, our family will be officially living on love. That's not to say our bills won't be met because - by the grace of God - they will be. It IS however, to warn our family and friends that we will be cheap. We won't be able to go out to eat with you, and we won't often be able to do activities that cost money. You may just have to accept a tight hug and "we love you" instead of a gift at Christmas or your birthday, and we won't be doing any traveling in the foreseeable future.

We're sacrificing - a lot. So much that it frightens me a little, honestly. Thankfully though, Shawn and I both agree that the stability and sanity of our household depends on these sacrifices. When we look back at these years, we won't be thinking about the game systems, clothes, or dinners with which we lived without. I pray that we'll remember the times we chose the health of our family, our marriage, our children, and Shawn's ministry over trying to keep up with everyone around us. Doing difficult things doesn't come easily or naturally, but at least in our case - it's necessary.