my girls

The night before the boys and I left Winston-Salem, I invited my small group girls over to hang out in our home one final time. Shawn had already left with all of our belongings save a suitcase, and beyond not looking forward to spending the night by myself in an empty house, I also wanted a chance to let "my girls" know how much I love and appreciate them. From the moment we told the students that we would moving, I kept telling my girls that we weren't going to dwell on the sad because it wasn't time to say goodbye yet.

Even though it was a Tuesday (i.e. a school) night, I was beyond grateful that the girls' parents allowed them to come over and even spend the night. We ordered pizza, talked, laughed, remembered, and tried to pop popcorn with our cell phones. What? You've never tried it?

I've been putting off blogging about missing my girls because that's truthfully been the hardest part of us leaving. The moment Shawn and I started to realize that God might seriously be calling us to Dallas, I pleaded (to God and to Shawn), "But what about my girls?"

I wish I had taken more photos and videos of that night, but I'm so grateful for the memory of it. I remember that Kayla brought a bean bag because she knew we didn't have any furniture, but that nobody used it because we were all just comfortable spreading out on the floor. I remember talking to Hannah and Caity about what on earth they were going to get their boyfriends for Christmas. I remember Alex doing the cookie trick for us and each of us trying the same. Of course, I remember Sara telling us that she read you can pop popcorn with a circle of cell phones. I remember talking to Alex about Jeremy and watching clips online with her. I remember the girls fighting over who got to hold Cohen, joking about giving him their food, and watching him light up at their smiles.

I remember talking about what their futures were going to look like - who was going to get married first and what their weddings would look like. I remember watching Kayla leave on Tuesday night and fighting back tears. She had walked down that sidewalk into that driveway a hundred times, and my heart broke as I realized it'd be her last. I remember Hannah waking me up at 6:00 in the morning before she headed to school. I hugged her tightly, and my 6:00am brain just couldn't put words to how much I was going to miss her. I peeked out the blinds as she left to make sure she was safe and I prayed for her protection, for God to guide her steps, and for His wisdom. I remember hugging Alex as she left and fighting back tears. I remember Brittany and Sara being the last two to leave because they didn't have to be to school until later. I remember that they lingered awhile - not wanting to say goodbye. And even though I'd held it together as I said goodbye to each girl in turn, I couldn't stop myself from sobbing. The three of us hugged, and Brittany told me that it would be okay. She told me that Texas was going to be awesome, and that Shawn would be waiting for me at the airport. She told me that he was going to kiss me, and that it'd be gross.

I want so badly to pack those girls up in a suitcase and bring them with me. We've texted, called, and Skyped, but it's not the same as a wordless hug. I know they're each going through so much right now, and it literally hurts me to not be there.

I miss them.