i want to remember this

In just a few short years (maybe even months!) this period of our lives will be a blur that I'll say went by entirely too quickly. While we're waiting to hold Baby Deuce in our arms, I've been focusing on really cherishing my time with Jude - soaking in his chubby little hands, his big blue eyes, and the way he runs with reckless abandon. I want to remember this.

Jude doesn't often give hugs, and tends to give kisses only when he deems it appropriate. My question of, "Can I have a kiss?" is most often met with a matter of fact, "No" and turning of his head. I've had kind of a long day today, and was really looking forward to getting him down for the night. Jude started showing symptoms of a cold today, so I was rushing around - trying to get his mattress propped up and the dehumidifier set up. Moving quickly through his night time routine, I read from his Children's Bible, gave him a final drink from his sippy, and turned off the lamp. After I told him it was time to pray, Jude stopped me short by leaning his head into my chest and wrapping his arms wide around my arms. I felt him squeezing to me tightly - giving me a hug. Then Jude looked up at me, took out his paci, and stretched his neck upwards towards me - his official "kissing" position.

Every worry, stress, and physical discomfort I'd felt that day melted away when I looked into those eyes, kissed those sweet lips, and felt those chubby little fingers clinging tightly to my upper arms. Putting his paci back in, Jude leaned in for another kiss, and then settled quietly into the crook of my arms.

We usually lay Jude down for the night when he's drowsy but still awake, in order to help him learn to fall asleep on his own. I have to admit that tonight I rocked him an extra long time. I took my time listening to his breaths becoming deeper, watching his eyes close, and feeling his body sinking into sleep. I won't be rocking him to sleep forever and while each stage of his life will hold sweet memories for me, I don't want to forget this one moment of tenderness that reminded me why everything...everything...is worth it.