Dear Jude,
Yesterday you turned 19 months old, and I thought it was high time for another little note from Mommy. Daddy and I have had so much fun watching you grow from a baby to a toddler the past few months. It seems like some mornings you wake up and grew by three years! You're doing a lot of talking and are understanding even more. We love watching you grow and explore the world around you, as you're incredibly curious about the way things work.
As you're inching up on two years old I'm learning how to handle and nurture your sense of independence and your instances of anger. Like most kids your age, you get very mad when I don't let you do something you want (lately it's been things like going outside, taking a toy away, or just holding you when you want to run). I have to admit that I'm struggling with how to handle this new found aggression of yours. Right now, our motto is "It's okay to hit the furniture when you're angry, but not a person," and I try to tell you to find ways to get out your "angries" in a way that doesn't hurt anyone else. I'm not sure how much of this you understand, or even if I'm taking the right parenting tactics here. I just want to teach you that it's okay to be angry (even at Mommy and Daddy), but that there are positive ways to handle that frustration.
Alongside growing in your abilities to get mad and want independence, you're also displaying a sweetness and desire to obey that melts Mommy's and Daddy's heart. You're learning to give kisses (although kisses must be given on your timing alone!) and delight in running into Mommy's and Daddy' arms. Unless you're on a mission of playtime you absolutely love to cuddle and make us smile. My favorite thing you do right now is laugh when you hear Mommy or Daddy laughing - even if you have no idea why we're giggling. You just like to be part of the fun!
In the last two weeks Mommy left her job in the work force to tackle the job (and privilege) of raising you and loving your Daddy better. I have to be honest with you - not every day of staying home has been sunshine and rainbows, but it is - without a doubt - my favorite job I've ever held. Jude, I love spending my days with you. I love finding fun new things for us to do and showing Daddy what you've learned that day when he gets home. I love that your nap times and other things about your day are steady and predictable for you, and I love that my focus gets to be on taking care of you, your brother, and your Daddy. I want you to know, dear Jude, that being your Mommy has helped me be closer to the woman God created me to be. Betcha had no idea you could do that in your nineteen months of life, huh?
Pretty soon sweet son, you're going to have a little brother to hold and love! You're already a big brother to the baby in Mommy's belly, and we can already see what great care you're going to take of him. A lot of kids feel a little jealous when a sibling is born, so I want you to know that it's okay if you do. But would you like to know something? Mommy and Daddy love you just as much before this baby is born as we will after. Nothing - not a thing - could change how much we love you. You will always be our sweet Judeabug, and our favorite thing in the entire world will be to spend time with you. Our prayer is that you and your little brother will be really great friends, and that you'll be such a big help to Mommy and Daddy when he's very little. And once he's grown a bit, you'll have your very own playmate to play games and share toys with all the time (who will, no doubt be much more fun than Mommy)!
Jude, I love to watch you growing right now and think about what you'll be like when you're older. Judging by what I see now, you will most likely always carry with you a fierce sense of independence and strength. You won't be easily swayed to do something you're not fond of, and you'll have a strong sense of justice. On the other hand, I think you'll care deeply about the feelings of others. You have a surprising ability to understand when someone is sad, mad, or happy, and your instinct is to comfort someone who is sad, try to help someone who is angry, and join the joy when someone is happy. Just so you know kiddo - that sense of compassion is something many adults struggle to achieve. Don't lose that, okay?
Sweet Bug, I love you more than you realize. I just want to make sure you really understand - there's no amount of fit throwing, toy throwing, Mommy hitting, or angry yelling that could make me love you less. I love you regardless of how "good" or "bad" you're being, and while I don't like those behaviors I love YOU unconditionally. You're my Judeabug and nothing you do could change that. I love you, Jude.
Love,
Mommy
Such a sweet post!
ReplyDeleteWith a lot of the younger kids that I work with, we help them create a "punch pillow." I love your view that anger is okay--it's what you do with it. Too often the strong-willed, stubborn kids get told that they are wrong for feeling a completely normal, typical emotion. Maybe choosing a special pillow with a brightly colored design that he knows is "his" and then presenting it when he's angry, demonstrating how he can punch it, etc. could really help. I also remember my brother used to have one of those blow-up bop 'em things that are weighted at the bottom and pop back up when you hit them. He would be encouraged to use that when he was angry, though I remember he once he so into it that he fell forward on it and hit his head on his bed frame. As a therapist, though, it sounds like you're making a great decision and doing your best with his personality.
ReplyDeleteLauren, that punch pillow idea is a great idea! He has a blow up rodeo kind of thing that he hits sometimes, but I think designating something specific (that isn't a toy) would be a much better idea. And thank you so much for the encouragement. I was afraid that I was teaching him that it's okay to hit (even furniture) when he's angry, but at the same time am not sure how else a 19 month old would deal with anger other than throwing a fit. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteNo, we are all allowed to feel a wide range of emotions, even at a young age. Unfortunately, an almost 2 year old doesn't understand your basic anger management techniques that are "socially acceptable," like relaxation breathing, counting to 10, thinking about something else, etc. You can't teach that at that age or at any age under 5 or 6 in my opinion. (Even then, the aggression usually wins out, even if the kid "knows" what to do instead.) A lot of other things I've read have talked about distracting or redirecting when you see an unnecessary tantrum coming on, the whole "offering choices when possible" and then, of course, ignoring the unwanted behaviors and finding ways to specifically praise the desired behaviors. I've heard a lot of positive things about "Love and Logic Parenting" concept and have contemplated getting some of the books for my therapy work and eventually for myself. Amazon has several ones, including a "How to Discipline" one and a "Parenting with Love and Logic" one. There are lots of great resources out there. I've also heard great things about Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block (on our list of books that I plan on getting) and have thought about getting the Toddler book, too. The reviews on that one are very positive.
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