a year ago

Crazy things were happening in the Maurer home one year ago. About a year and a month ago, I found myself once again tearfully realizing that another month had gone by and I was not pregnant. I was starting to research adoption and fertility options, wondering if perhaps we wouldn't be able to get pregnant. God was continually reminding me of his words, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all of your ways, and He will make your paths straight." I can imagine that God was trying to tell me, "Relax, sweet daughter. It'll happen in My perfect timing."

A year and two weeks ago, I started to wonder if the funny things going on with my body might mean pregnancy. A year and four days ago, I took a pregnancy test and just about peed myself when I saw that it was positive. A year and three days ago was Shawn's birthday and was when I told him about what God was knitting together inside of me. It's fun to look back on where we were at the time...and at how much has changed. Even though I struggled with fears of not being able to have children, I do look back on that period of my with fondness. I learned about patience and trusting God. I learned about taking my fears to Shawn and better understood his role as my head. I learned that submission to Shawn is actually a joy because his deepest desire is to take better care of me than I ever would take of myself.

Back to present day...I think Jude's weight is alright. I'm only going by my home scale, which says that he weighs the same as he weighed last week. I'd love to have seen him put on weight, but I'm keeping a very close eye on it and am keeping in mind that my home scale isn't the most accurate. I'm continuing to feed him as much as I possibly can, though, and I'm pretty sure my milk supply is better than it's ever been. Unfortunately, I'm sick again (ugh!). I'm obviously concerned about that affecting my supply, but now that I know what could happen, I'm doing everything I can to not let that happen. Jude's still not really sleeping much at night. I'm fine with that as it means he's getting calories that he needs, but I'm beyond tired.

Several of you have let me know that you're praying for Matt and Patrice, so thank you! Please continue checking their blog for updates. I actually just read that they only had to wrap the gauze around his limbs today! Apparently his torso was in good enough shape to not need it. I cried when I saw the pictures of his belly - what a beautiful sight that must've been to Matt and Patrice. They are never far from my mind, especially when I'm holding Jude. Everything in me wants for Matt and Patrice to be able to hold Jonah. My heart literally aches for them.

I tried to get a video of Jude laughing the other day. Of course, as soon as I pulled out the camera he stopped, but I did get him smiling a lot. If I'm feeling frisky, I'll try to get that up in my next post!