Wednesday, July 14, 2010

bon bons and soap operas

I need to preface this post by saying that I got a total of three hours of non-consecutive sleep last night. As such, I may doze off in the middle or get irrationally cranky. Don't mind me, I just seem to have a ridiculous amount of contractions that I can't sleep through once or twice a week.

So enough whining... A lot of friends and family have been asking me what I think about being a stay at home lately, and I've realized that I've not really addressed it on the blog beyond my first week. I was waiting until it had been a few weeks so avoid gushing on with an inaccurate picture during the honeymoon period that occurs with any change. Now that I've been a stay at home Mom for six weeks, I think I can safely say that it's pretty much what I thought it'd be - and I love it.

Even eight months (or are you considered nine months at 36 weeks?) pregnant, our home runs so much more smoothly. Our laundry is always caught up (along with Jude's laundry and his diapers), the dishes are always caught up, and the house is always as straightened up as it can be with a toddler. Our discipline and schedule with Jude are consistent, and we're seeing some great dividends from that (mainly that he dropped his second nap and is now sleeping from 8:00pm to 8:15am - as opposed to his previous 6:45am and he's stopped hitting us almost entirely). I'm significantly less stressed about this pregnancy and have confidence knowing that I've been able to work ahead to make things go more smoothly after the baby arrives. I love that I'm better able to keep track of our finances and have time to research ways for us to save even more money.

In short, I have peace that I'm doing well what I was created to do, and that peace seems to be overflowing into my home, my husband, and my child(ren). One of the surprising outcomes of me staying home is that I'm a much more social person. I think having less stress and spending my days with a toddler have caused me to have more energy and excitement to entertain and pour into people. I don't sit still very well, and while I have many, MANY flaws, laziness is not one of them. As such, I'm really grateful to have Serwa Chic - something I can call "my own," and into which I can pour creativity. But...

Not everyday is blissful peace, I have to admit. Some days I feel cooped up in the house with no car to go anywhere and no money to spend if I did have a car. Some days I'd be thrilled if Jude went to bed for the night at 4:30 and am unsure of how I'm going to maintain my patience with him for an entire day. Some days I get worn out and tired of doing things - like laundry, dishes, budget, making the bed, and cleaning the toilets - that will almost immediately be un-done and will have to be re-done in less than 24 hours.

None of these things come as a surprise to me though, and were issues I expected to be frustrations. I've been thinking a lot this week about my life in the work force. I was remembering what preparing for maternity leave was like over a year and a half ago as opposed to now, and I was thinking about my stress level and general demeanor before I stayed home. I haven't regretted our decision for me to stay home for one moment. I don't miss an office and I feel privileged to be charged with the task of running our home well.

We made a lot of sacrifices for me to stay home, and are continuing to realize those on a day to day basis, but genuinely - I wouldn't change it for the world. For this season of my life, this is to what God has called me. I'm called to create a peaceful and stable home for Shawn and our kiddos, and I love it. Even on days that I'm exhausted, frustrated, and burnt out - I love it.

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